is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
