I've blown a few things in my day
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
