He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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