if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
