i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
