If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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