We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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