Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
