Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Don't tell me you're on acid again
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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