Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
