i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
