So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
When did we convert life to cartoon?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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