Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
