I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
