There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
