It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
