I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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