If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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