She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
