I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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