its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i came on her dog
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize