Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
