My nipple is on Facebook.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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