The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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