so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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