her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
