a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
