I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
