me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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