I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Ladies don't puke and tell
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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