you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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