I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize