you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I have demons in me.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
