it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
