I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
