We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
ugly people sure do ruin things
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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