she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Randomize
