She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize