Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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