totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You may now shotgun with the bride
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
