My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
