Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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