just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Watching her eat just hurts me
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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