Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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