Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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