Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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