Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
