Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
