I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Randomize
