i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
