I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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