Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
