I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
