So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
