my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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