She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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