How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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