just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
