You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
