oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
