I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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