I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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