My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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