My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
