Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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