Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
