Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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