So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She's the barista slut.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
