haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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