those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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