i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
vagina is talking i cant
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
