Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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