i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
