Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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