I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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