it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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