How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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