What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
